Christmas in Cancerland

The next ride in the park is the CHRISTMAS EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD slingshot. You know, the one where a swing is attached to bungy cords and two idiots sit in the swing and then they are launched straight up at a zillion miles an hour only to reach the end of the bungy cords and come zinging back down to earth! That's the ride I'm on now and I hope I'm in the fall back down to earth, cuz that would mean the ride would be almost over. Until the next time my idiot self sits down in the swing.

It all started with that friggin' Christmas song. I had never heard it before and it crushed me. Whoever wrote it is a JERK!! Christmas songs are supposed to be joyous and happy. Jerk. It was about a little kid trying to buy his mommy some shoes and he had to hurry, because it might be her last Christmas. Then I thought, what if its my mommy's last Christmas? The water works started at my desk at work. Luckily, I made it to the bathroom before anyone ever saw me. I thought I was ready for her death, but then this hits me. Which made me think that I had been being selfish with my time and not tending to her emotional needs. So, I got into the swing of Christmas. We have spent every night this week making cookies, decorating the tree, wrapping presents, the whole nine yards. And having a great time!! We went to Jessica's Christmas Cantata, too! Then we went out to lunch with the girls from work. I think that was the point in the ride where the idiots have reached the end of the bungy cords and think, 'Oh shit, we're FALLING!' She tells me all the time that she is tired of talking about it, but whenever we are with somebody, she takes over the conversation and talks about herself. I know, really freakin' stupid small crap to get pissy about, but that's me. I can take on the weight of the world, but the small things break me everytime. I can understand her telling the girls from work, because she used to work with them (I took over her job). But when she went to tell the waitress, I got quiet and pissy. I took her home and then went back to work. When I got home again, I started making the sides for Christmas dinner and she watched me. Then I did the first round of dishes and she watched me. She sits and watches me all the time. I don't like being watched. I never really have, unless I was on a stage and pretending I was someone else. I don't say anything when she does it, because I know that she is alone all day and just wants the company, but AUGH!! It freakin' bothers me. I was well on my way to being annoyed for the rest of the night until I got to open a package from my sister-friend, Edel.

I thought the package was for the whole family and that is why we were going to open that one. Turns out, it was just for me. She makes the most exquisite dolls as a hobby and she made me a red-haired beach Santa. His robes are decorated with shells and seaweed and he has the coolest red curly hair and a huge shell for a hat! He rocks. I started thinking about how much time she spent on him, just for me. Completely changed my night!!

I got up this morning and read my other sister-friend, Becky's blog. She posted a saying that was on the front of someones memory book that said, 'You alone give meaning to our being together and our being apart.' This made me think of Mom. Without her, I would not be. Without her, I would not have any of my favorite people. If she hadn't kicked me out of Michigan, I would never have gotten close to Jay and Becky, which in turn made me get closer to Shawna, Lance and Edel. I would never have followed Jay and Becky to Florida, which means I would never have met Pavel, Jessica, Geena and Tim. Without Mom, I would not have Shawna, Lance and Jay. Without them, I would not have Scott, Edel, Becky and all my nieces and nephews who bring me constant joy. So this Christmas, I am thankful for my mother and for my family and for my friends. Words can't say how truly phenominal it is to have y'all in my life. Thanks, man. I truly think this ride is over and if this is how some of the rides end here in Cancerland, sign me up for the next adventure.